Forks trump Chopsticks

You know who are really pretentious people? That person you go to dinner with that shows off by using chopsticks. they never just use them and not say anything to you about. They always have to be like, "Oh you're using a fork. I learned to use chopsticks when I went on a date with a girl who served her mission in China." No once cares! You know what's stupid about chopsticks? The fact that they don't get as much food as a fork does! Why would you go back in time to use a useless utensil? Chopstick users in the U.S. just think they are so much better than you, well you're not. you're a jabroni and everyone knows it. Keep it to yourself buddy!

Mom's, am I right?

This week we celebrate the birth of one of the greatest human beings to ever walk the earth. Not the greatest, just one of them. In that spirit I decided to share an experience my Mom and I had in my childhood. Playing baseball is something every young boy wants to do, and they want to be good at it. Baseball is huge in my family. Everyone loves it! I take opening day off from work every year, just to sit and watch baseball all day. So as a kid I signed up to play baseball and wanted to get better at catching. I was about 8. For some reason my Mom is helping my brother and I play catch. Now it isn't weird that my Mom was teaching us to catch, because Mama J can do anything, it was weird because it was getting dark and she still kept us out there. I kept telling her, "Mom I can't see it very well, can we go inside?" She kept telling us one more. Then next thing I know she throws this rocket into the sky and expects me to catch it! I got underneath it and then smack! The ball misses my glove and hits me right in the nose. The was the first time, in my life, that I recall every getting a bloody nose. Yep, my first bloody nose my mom gave me. Happy birthday week Mom! Love you!

AMERICA!

Today is Veterans day and I for one am very grateful to those who fought for our freedoms. That being said I have a beef to pick with Americans. It has nothing to do with the election results, it has everything to do with the word America. For crying out loud say it correctly! It's America, not 'Merica. You notice that when everyone says that they use some white trash voice? That's because white trash people are usually uneducated and sound like morons who can't pronounce words correctly. It was funny once, now stop saying 'Merica and start saying America! Below is a photo of what I think you look like if you say 'Merica. Make America, America again!

You're a troll

Here is a word that needs to go away "Foodie". People are like, "Oh, I love food. I'm a total foodie. I eat all the time." Somehow saying that you are a foodie is a good thing? Guess what? It isn't! Basically you're saying, "Hey I like food, but I don't want to be known as a fat troll. So I say I'm a foodie." We all know you go out with your friends order two entrees and then say you're a foodie. Just own who you are! You're a typical American who over-eats. I never call myself a foodie, I know what I am, a troll. Being a troll is not a bad thing. It means you like to eat food in large amounts. Own it! Below is a picture of a regular lady eating food. What makes this picture special? Nothing, but she probably tells her friends she's a foodie.